Well, I did it. I went and had acupuncture done and it was very relaxing, very relaxing. You would not think that having needles poked into your ears, stomach, legs, and the top of your head (which the acupuncturist called my antenna) but it really was. Maybe it was the fact that the table was a heated table and I was all comfy but for a first session it felt really good.
As we all know from my last blog post I have four tattoos so I was expecting that type of intense burning pain because that’s all I’ve ever experienced but this was not the case. The acupuncturist would lightly tap my skin, place the needle, and then tap it in with her finger. Sometimes I felt nothing, other times a very minuscule second of pain, and then one time my head felt like it was spinning when a needle went into my arm. Overall, it was almost like a spa experience and I plan on doing it again sometime.
The question I would like answered though is will this really help me with my anxiety and sometimes depression. I fear this will not get answered until I have done it for a few months maybe? I do not know and I need to do some more research…but…in that very moment it seemed to make me very, very, at peace. I actually wanted to laugh by the end of the session and was asking the acupuncturist if she had ever left a needle in someone and just the thought of that was cracking me up.
I think I have finally figured something out though…work makes me anxious and unhappy. I went back to work after the session and some co-workers started talking to me and I was like, “I don’t even like this guy…he seems to half ass everything…I can barely hear what he’s talking about because he’s whispering…ah, please stop talking to me…I don’t have the attention span for this right now…I don’t like you”.
What I’ve realized about my self in the past few months here in Alaska is that 1. It makes me anxious if I am not actively working and doing something productive at work 2. I like helping people but not in this capacity (mental health non-profit work) and 3. Interacting with others and engaging with others sucks my energy. This isn’t my first time working for a non-profit in this type of work…this is the 4th time…and I keep coming back. I keep coming back because I have a psychology bachelor’s and non-profits want people like me…and I need a job. And I guess it takes me four times in and out of this field to realize that I keep leaving for a reason; I’m not fulfilled and I’m not happy.
What it takes to make me feel more fulfilled and happy is not completely clear yet because it’s a slow journey, with a fiery torch, going through the dark one step at a time. I’m hoping to take my next step soon towards happy and fulfilled…but that’s a post for another time. As always thanks for reading,